You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
