im six kinds of drunk right now
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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