He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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