what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
