Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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