He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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