I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
