Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
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I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
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your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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