sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
