so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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