Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize