I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
that is very illegal...i love you.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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