I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
