Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
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