Your dad touched me again.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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