I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
