SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
