So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
