The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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