my phone needs a breathalizer
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
