Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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