Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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