I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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