I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
