What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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