Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize