i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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