I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize