before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
