Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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