this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
