Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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