I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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