Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
