Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
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