singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
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I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
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I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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