Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
