i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
