you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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