I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
