babies were throwing up all over the place
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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