no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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