I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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