And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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