id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
She even gives head with a lisp.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
