i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
