I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
