you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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