i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Plan B is the new Plan A
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
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I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
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Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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