So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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