Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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