Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
