The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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