you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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