I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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