I have demons in me.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
