He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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