I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
