Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I didn't notice because vodka
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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