My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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