In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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