it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
