I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
