i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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